Litany against sludge

Let us consume the grunge of the world.  We'll suck seedy sap form the hollywood roots, and laugh, and laugh, and laugh, and laugh, as we pipe ooze into our minds.  We'll feast upon crudeness, cooked in a fire of producers and public opinion.  Satiated on sitcoms, we'll wait in line obediently to die.  And the devil will laugh, and laugh, and laugh, and laugh.

Diversion

Give me a divesion
Give me such an escape
A fix of ignorance
Just let me get my fix
Mhmm

Spaz.  Fanatic.  Sardonic.

Compulsion.  Not you.  Me.  Nausiating carnival ride, that's not even fun.  Useless.  But I'm too dry to spit it out, y'know.  Too dry to make this quality.  Too dry to know.  I'm out now. 

Split

I let out a breath
Before I took two in
And I think that a side of me melted away

And the void that it left
Is frigid to touch
A waterfall of dreams rushes to fill the void

Sometimes a nightmare 
Comforts more than truth
When a lie is laced with fear

Swim through the lies
Pluck truths from the skies
Drown in the memories of all of those times

'tween the two
Which is really the one to fear?
And does truth cover up, and lies reveal?

Its peaceful now, standing apart
Avoiding touch of anyone's heart
But is this a way to live, refusing to take or give?

I can feel the wheels are spinning
I'm not getting anywhere.
But truly there are some who enjoy the ferris wheel.

I'm not one of them.
I'm not one of anyone.
I tell myself I'm at peace with that but is anyone really?

Can't lift it all.
Sometime gonna fall.
Might as well make it a controlled leap, if I could figure out how...

I'm still just one
And myself are many.
There's family resemblance, true and uncanny.

There's a shattered mirror
I sometimes step on shards
Of who I used to be, of who I used to be a part.

I don't want that. 
It comes out anyway.
I can't stand that, I need to have a say.

Reminded

We....  Are reminded
of all the things we can't have...
of the limits we impose on ourselves...
of the reasons, and commitments we've made...

We are reminded of our pain
that if we could be touched just once 
we could make it another day.
But another day never comes anyway.

and we trudge on,
reminded of the strength we draw,
from our own weaknesses,
and where our hope truly comes from.

Float

Touch me, please, but I know you can't.
The time long passed, I'm floating away
Not drifting, per se
but becoming more and more incorpreal, every day.

The treasures go with me.  
Already I can't remember the way it was,
the reality that I saw,
the pain's constant gnaw,
the looming claw.

There's sort of a hole,
but I don't feel incomplete.
More like I'm not wearing a watch.
That near-itchy feeling,
something's missing,
sinking away.

I don't want to be a ghost
but how can I choose
I can't seem to remember
what I'm about to lose.

Protect me, I say
as my voice fades away
Hope for brighter days
or at least answers, I pray.

Perhaps

I don't, can't...  But perhaps, perhaps I need to.

'twas an experience.  It is what it is.   Nothing bad, or wrong.  Indeed perhaps right.  But I'm certainly in a dark.

Perhaps, its not so dark after all, but if so why can't I see?   

Perhaps there is a solution.

But perhaps I'll just wait.  The light will come.  The light always comes.

Perhaps, the light likes me.

Worst

There's plenty of negative things in life.  

Someone rejects you.

You break an arm or leg.

You tell a joke that nobody laughs at.

A sunburn.

Having problems with money.

Getting fired from a job.

Death.

But you know what's the worst?

The worst is being surrounded by friends.

And being alone.

Surrounded Alone.

Fake

I call fake that which I can't understand. 
Your happiness, your drama, your dreams.
They aren't real, because I don't have them.  
They aren't mine, they must be fake.

This intangible quality to them
I can push my hand right through
because they aren't mine.
And I use words.

Words like "hollow" or "shallow"
or "lesser", because they aren't mine.
And I see myself as deep, I really do.
And I think myself complex, I really do.

And so do they.

catches

A prick, and my breath catches.  A sharp intake, a mental stumble.  An emotional double-take.  Quickly stamping on the flame, I examine the thing.  There's no longer a spark there, but are the coals hot?  No.  Rekindling that flame is beyond me, now.  Pity, it was so warm...  Still.  There will be other fires, and this blanket will suffice for now.  It is a line though, and may I never be so cold that I don't remember warmth.

Journey

Ain't easy, walking down a path long overgrown.  And you don't get to cheat, you have no knife to cut your way through.  What's served you well this far you must leave behind.

And you feel the footfalls, as you tread on the dirt.  And your arms grow tired, as you tread in the water.  

Ain't easy, swimming in nowhere, taking on water with no end in sight.  And you don't get to cheat, you have no plank for respite, no oxygen tank, no boat.  You lost track of the way you came.

And you grasp at nothing, scooping the immaterial.  And you thrust again, scooping dirt from a hole with no end.

Ain't easy, when people laugh, thinking you're trying to get to china.  And you don't get to cheat, nobody's gonna help you dig.  Most won't even keep you company.  You gotta do this alone.

And you thrust again, and you grasp at nothing.  And your arms grow tired, and you feel the footfalls.  And it ain't easy.  Yet you continue on.